Okay, I’ve got this wall business worked out.
The Democrats don’t want a wall. The Republicans don’t want the drugs around, or the illegal immigrants. Nobody wants depressed wages, except for corporations. Trump wants to build a wall, and Trump supporters want to see it built.
Here’s how we can make everybody happy: Declare war on Mexico.
No, no, I’m serious; hear me out.
We declare a national emergency, and mobilize the troops to invade Mexico, because Mexico isn’t cooperating with regard to the cartels, drugs, illegals, smuggling, etc. Democrats will pretend to freak out, but secretly they will be happy; they’ve been pushing to go to war with Russia or somewhere in the Middle East, but this will be almost as good. Democrat politicians seem to want a war, but the base likes to protest wars. If Trump declares war on Mexico, the soyboys, SJWs, and Antifa can protest Trump just like their grandparents protested Johnson and Nixon in the 60s and 70s. They’ll love it, and it will give them something meaningful to protest, as opposed to looking for oppression points on Twitter.
Meanwhile, now we have a great excuse to take over the border towns, allowing our troops root out the drug cartels. This will drive the illegal drug prices through the roof because it will screw with the supply lines. The regular Mexican citizens are now safer because they won’t get shot up in a turf war.
The Army pushes on south. In six months, ground troops and air support have taken most of the country, and Mexico City, surrounded, eventually concedes. Oops, I mean, surrenders.
What’s in it for us? We end up with a lot of oil, some nice grasslands for farming and raising more beef, and some nice vacation spots.
What’s in it for the Mexicans? An increase in the standard of living, and a safer country in which they won’t have as many corrupt local politicians or drug lords. And that means less incentive to try to migrate north.
And for the few do migrate north, guess what? They’re citizens now, so no more coyotes herding bodies through the desert, raping children and women, or leaving them to die in the wilderness, or in locked trucks in the sun, or dying of hunger or thirst. It also means that they have to get paid minimum wage – no more paying them five bucks an hour, which they will keep in the local economy. There won’t be any more “sending money back across the border,” because there will no longer be a border. Any money that gets sent back to the villages will be nicely taxable income.
Back home, all those SJWs who complain that white Americans are appropriating Latino culture whenever they drink a Corona or eat some nachos will no longer have to feel white guilt, as those things will now be part of American culture.
And at the end of this, guess what? We can still build a wall – along our new southern border. But instead of a 2,000 mile wall, we only need to build a 600 mile wall, which is a lot cheaper, and will cost less to maintain and patrol.
In fact, while we’re at it, let’s take Guatemala, as well. They’re really just an extension of Mexico, and nobody would notice. We’ll leave Belize alone, because a lot of rich people have tax havens and villas there. But then we could even think about building a canal along the southern border of what used to be Guatemala, and that would require even less wall maintenance and patrolling, and would be a nice alternate to the overpriced Panama canal. Anybody remember when it was shut down in 2010? Right.
Oh, sure, the UN will complain. I say, let them. What did they do when Russia semi-invaded the Ukraine? Nothing. What are they doing about China and Taiwan? Nothing. The UN is the equivalent of those kids in Junior High who weren’t as popular as the jocks, but who sat in the back of the cafeteria complaining. Besides, if Mexico thinks that their citizens have a right to migrate across the border as they want, then we tell the UN we’re simply dispensing with the formality of a border.
If there’s a downside to this, I can’t see it.